


This Is Me Trying

by Dianascanary



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26228323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dianascanary/pseuds/Dianascanary
Summary: Dianna shows up at Taylor's door, just like all those times before.
Relationships: Dianna Agron/Taylor Swift
Comments: 9
Kudos: 54





	This Is Me Trying

_"And maybe I don't quite know what to say. But I'm here in your doorway."_

It's been a miserable existence. One filled with still burning cigarette butts and empty whiskey bottles.

One stuffed to the brim with mistakes and miscommunications and misunderstandings. And mis-whatever the hell else. It all counts.

If it's bad, she's done it.

If it's immoral, she's been it.

She's tried to change several times, and maybe she was mildly successful some of them, but nothing ever seemed to be enough. 

Not without her. 

So, that's why she was here. Standing in the rain. Soaked to the bone.

It's a position she knew all too well. 

Standing at the front door. Knocking four times. Something only they knew. Waiting. Some times longer than others. Hoping.

And then the door would swing open wildly. Like the owner of the house didn't know her own strength. And she'd lean precariously on the wood of the door way.

And she would pretend she didn't know why she was here.

"What are you doing here?"

Dianna blinked tiredly, lazily, "Would you believe me if I said I didn't know?"

"Yes."

Nothing more, nothing less. 

This was normally where the routine began to differentiate. Sometimes, Dianna knew exactly what she was doing there. Most of the time she didn't.

Sometimes Taylor would let her in. Most of the times she wouldn't. And Dianna didn't blame her.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

Nothing more, nothing less.

Dianna took a deep breath and decided to stand up straighter. She had always been a stickler for good posture, and she let her feelings get the best of her just then. She would never be able to even pretend she had control over the situation if she didn't look the part.

As soon as she righted herself, she remembered she may be a little bit tipsy.

Taylor noticed, "It's 2 pm, Dianna. What the hell?"

Dianna let out a humorless chuckle, "I think I might have a problem."

Taylor looked as though she wanted to agree but thought better of it. Instead, she decided to let Dianna simmer in their shared silence like the sauce she had left on the stove.

"Di-"

"I'm getting a divorce!" Dianna blurted out. She cursed under her breathe. That hadn't been how she planned on saying it when she practiced in the bathroom mirror.

Taylor, for her part, didn't look so much surprised at the outburst as she was the contents of it.

"Oh."

Dianna winced and scratched the back of her head, "Is Joe here?" Maybe that was why she was still standing outside on the porch, soaked to the bone.

"No."

Dianna made a face, "Is Karlie?"

Somehow, the latter would hurt more.

Taylor shook her head and rolled her eyes in annoyance, "No. And I don't appreciate what you're implying."

Dianna swayed in her spot with a scowl on her face. She stared passed Taylor into the home as if searching for Joe, Karlie, anyone really. Anyone occupying any space that she should be.

"What am I implying?"

"That I'm a liar."

"Aren't you?" Dianna winced and bit down heavily on her lip as soon as the words left her mouth. Fuck. She really needed to work on that.

"I'm so-"

"Bye, Dianna." And with that, the door slammed in her face. Pushing her further under the broken open New York sky.

"Okay. Um-I'll be back tommorow." Dianna more or less shouted through the rain and the wood of the door. Times like this she was grateful for the weather. At least then the patrons of the city couldn't actively tell she was crying.

~○~

Four knocks. Taylor would know it was her. Well, she should have known it was her even without the knocks. She told her she would come back. So, here she was.

Dianna had spoken plenty of empty promises. So had Taylor. But never once had Dianna lied to her.

The door swung open heavily. 

"Hi."

"..."

Nothing more, but much, much less.

"I'm sorry," And, oh boy was she. She's an asshole. She's greatly aware of that fact. But, sometimes, things get to her and she can't shake them off. And, oh God, she needs a very expensive therapist.

Taylor softened. Slightly.

"What are you doing here?"

"To say sorry, for one. I can check that off my list." Dianna's eyes fluttered down to the small peice of stationary paper in her hand. She grabbed the pen from behind her ear and scratched furiously at a few words. 

Dianna was fidgeting, Taylor noticed off-handedly. But she was staying up straight and she wasn't swaying. She was sober.

"You weren't kidding about the list."

"I would never kid about a list." To Dianna, her own words aren't funny, she's being completely serious, but to Taylor, well Taylor had never heard anything stupidly funnier in her entire life.

She does well to keep even the tiniest of smirks off her face, no matter how badly she wants to cackle in laughter.

There's another bout of comfortable (well, not for Dianna) silence. Dianna is sure Taylor just likes to see her squirm.

"Is Joe here?" She can't help it. She really can't.

"No, Dianna." 

Something terribly off topic, Dianna loved the way Taylor said her name.

Dianna made the same face she made the day prior, "Karlie?"

"Why do you keep asking about them?"

Dianna didn't answer immediately, her next words would probably cause Taylor to slam the door in her face once again, but Taylor wanted an answer and this seemed to be unavoidable. 

Dianna doesn't lie to Taylor.

"I don't care so much about Joe, because I know you. But Karlie...Karlie is different. I thought we were finally getting things on track. And then you cheated on me. With her. With Karlie. What does she have that I don't?" Word vomit. She did that often. Though, she thought she had a handle on it recently. It was safe to say that Taylor Swift completely dismantled all things she ever had a handle on. All things she held dear. Even their relationship. But also, maybe that last one wasn't completely fair.

She wiped a hand down her face. She wasn't supposed to release all of that this early on. Voicing her deepest insecurities wasn't until number ten on her list. She huffed and scratched at the ink just as furiously as she had a few moments ago.

"Can I come in?"

"Not today."

Much more, nothing less.

"I expected that," Dianna cracked a small smile. She wasn't necessarily happy about it, but at least the routine wasn't being broken. Sure, she had a made a list of things that needed to change so that they could fix things. But, that didn't necessarily mean she was ready for those things to change.

She's an oxymoron like that.

"Okay, I'll be back tommorow."

Taylor sighed, "Di-"

"Hey, I drove you crazy once, I'll do it again in a heartbeat, if you let me." 

Taylor's cheeks turned red. Dianna didn't really know why. At least, not until she thought back on her words, then when she knew why, she smirked and shrugged. She hadn't meant it in that way, but what the hell, seeing Taylor blush was a plus.

"Bye, Taylor." She turned from the door without a response.

~○~

Four knocks. The door swung open.

"Hi."

"...Hi."

A little more, not much less.

Dianna nodded with a shy smile on her. She stared at Taylor in a way that clearly said 'Where the fuck is my train of thought?' 

Taylor cleared her throat lightly.

If Dianna were a lesser woman, she definitely would have jumped out of her skin. Instead, she just dug around in her back pocket, letting out a sigh as she brought the same piece of stationary paper from the day before up to her eye line.

"I heard the album. Loved it. Hoax is my favorite."

And even though Taylor knew without a doubt that Dianna absolutely did not mean that as a joke. She laughed. She laughed hysterically. Dianna just watched with a mild frown.

"I know I don't have anything on my face. I checked three times before I knocked. So, what's so funny?"

Taylor's laughter was refreshing. It made Dianna feel giddy inside. That is, when the laughter wasn't directed at her.

Taylor sucked in a much needed breath before shaking her head, "Nothing, Dianna."

Dianna didn't believe her, but she didn't say anything. She just crossed out the number two slot on her list.

"Which songs are about me?" 

Dianna knew the answer already. She always knew. She never needed to be told. She never needed confirmation. But today, she wanted it.

Taylor smiled a smile that held many secrets. Some that Dianna knew, and most she didn't, "I think you know."

Dianna only nodded. Her hands had made their way into her jeans' pockets.

"Can I come in?"

Taylor's eyes narrowed, she looked Dianna up and down, "Will you be back tommorow?"

"As long as you don't call the police on me."

Taylor nodded slowly, something mischievous in her eyes. And before Dianna could blink she was practically being dragged into the home by her shirt collar.

Taylor still had that mischievous glint in her eye.

Dianna, well, Dianna had the decency to look scared.

_"And maybe I don't quite know what to say. I just wanted you to know that this is me trying."_


End file.
